Of Monsters & PDAs
by gibbonsarenotmonkeys
Summary: Cute funny drabble where Emma and Killian discuss topics of import in the diner. future!fic, oneshot, drabble, captain wolf with implied wooden swan


"That is so gross… don't they know they're in public?" Emma shook her head, giving a visible shudder as she tore her eyes away from the diner window, outside of which a young couple looked as though they were trying to literally eat one another's face. Killian chuckled.

"I seem to recall a time when you weren't so opposed to the PDA, Swan." He glanced towards the kids outside, and Emma swore she thought she could see a glimmer of pride in his eyes. Typical.

"Really? You really want to hash out our PDA-laden past within earshot of not only your wife, but your grandmother-in-law?" Emma gave him a skeptical look, picking up a french fry and throwing it into her mouth. Killian glanced up, looking a bit worried.

"Old woman's not around, is she?" He glanced around, Granny didn't spend a lot of time in the diner anymore, at least, not to work. She was getting on in years, but, Emma noted with a slight chuckle, she could still strike terror into the hearts of men, if the fear in Killian's eyes was any indication.

"No, but with the wolf hearing, you're never safe," Emma joked playfully, only amused by the way Killian hung his head over his plate of lasagna and sighed.

"Don't I know it," he grumbled, glancing up to glare at her when Emma laughed.

"Anyway, as I was saying… could they at least do it somewhere their parents don't have to watch? You know if August happens by, he's going to kick your son's ass."

Killian snorted derisively. "He's going to try, you mean. Boy's got his mother's strength." He'd taught the boy how to throw a punch, of course, but even if he hadn't, Peter Jones could probably toss August Booth like a bloody rag doll if he tried anything.

"Yeah, but Peter's too smart to murder his potential father in law. Hey, look at that, he did get something from you besides your stupid eyebrows!" She elbowed him in the arm with amusement, and Killian gave a soft chuckle.

"Hey, let's be fair now, he got most of my good looks," he said before taking a swig of his beer.

"I might've contributed something to that," Killian jumped as his wife practically appeared behind him, spilling his beer down his front and swearing under his breath. Emma looked up with surprise at Ruby, who was giggling as she grabbed a napkin and leaned over Killian's shoulder to help him mop himself up.

"Bloody hell woman, you know I hate it when you do that."

"Almost eighteen years of marriage, and you're still not used to the wolf speed." She smiled, leaning on his shoulder affectionately, until she glanced out the window and winced. "Oh my… do they know they're in public?"

"According to Killian we haven't been the best role models when it comes to PDA." Emma informed her, taking another look at the window and immediately regretting it with a grimace. "Okay, there goes my appetite."

Ruby frowned, and smacked Killian in the shoulder, staring with something like horror at what was going on outside her diner. "You really need to give him a few pointers on how to kiss. Poor Amelia, it looks like he's trying to eat her face." She shook her head, and Killian frowned with horror.

"Maybe he is, it's pretty close to the full moon." He laughed, then groaned when Ruby smacked him upside the head, rolling his eyes. "It's just that that sounds like an awkward conversation, so I think I'll skip it. You feel free to take a crack at it, though, love." He shrugged, leaning back and pulling Ruby into his lap. Emma rolled her eyes, if anyone was to blame for Peter and Amelia's lack of PDA shame, it was definitely Killian Jones.

"A mother cannot teach her son how to kiss. That just… it's wrong. And creepy. You have a responsibility to your son." Killian groaned, taking a long drink of his beer. "Back me up here, Emma." Ruby looked at Emma, who gave them both a wide eyed look.

"You two were made for one another, you know that?" Ruby frowned at her, she liked the words but the tone sounded less than complimentary.

"He's a clever lad, Ruby, he'll figure it out." Killian assured her, ignoring Emma's comment completely.

"Great, and if he doesn't I guess he'll just have to live with us forever." Ruby's tone was falsely cheerful, but the wide-eyed look on Killian's face as he looked up was priceless. He stared at nothing for a long moment, before he took a deep breath and sighed.

"I'll have a talk with the boy," he resigned himself, and Ruby's cheer became legitimate as she stole a French fry off Emma's plate.

"Hey! You only get to steal food off your husband's plate," Emma protested, pushing her plate away from the thieving werewolf.

"But he doesn't have fries," Ruby complained like this was a legitimate reason. "Besides, this is my diner, those are my fries anyways."

"That I paid for!" Emma looked scandalized as Ruby stole another fry.

"I thought you lost your appetite? Here, I'll help, just imagine Peter sucking Amelia's face right off. She'll come home tonight, and there'll just be a hickey where her face used to be. Let that image sink in." Emma's eyes widened with horror, and she pushed the plate away in disgust.

"That is… I can't… oh my god, I think you just broke my brain." Emma looked away, panic taking over. "I can't get it out!" She put her hands on her head, not even noticing as Ruby leaned across the bar, relying on Killian's arm around her waist to keep her in his lap while she pulled the half-eaten plate of French fries closer. After a long moment of hyperventilating, she looked up at Ruby in horror. "What have you done?"

"Just scored myself some free French fries, I think." Emma frowned, scowling deeply as she got up and practically fled the diner.

"I'll get you for this, Ruby Jones!" She turned back to yell at her, but Ruby just waved and smiled at her. Killian pinched her butt, chuckling.

"You're a monster, you know that?" He teased, and she grinned, lifting a fry to her mouth and biting into it savagely.

"I know."


End file.
